- Beyond the heteronormative barriers of gender and sexuality
By Grace Wickremasinghe
Dedication: For Dinesh, a close friend, an artist from the LGBTQI Community of Sri Lanka (RIP 28 May 2022)
In an island known for its kindness, warmth, love and care, lives (ironically) a marginalised community, battling too many heteronormative barriers, vilified and discriminated by the legal system.
Hailing from an archaic Penal Code of 1883 is a colonial law passed during British Rule in Sri Lanka. Section 365 of the Sri Lankan Penal Code criminalises “carnal intercourse against the order of nature”. In its application, it prohibits the sexual intercourse between men. In 1995, the Penal Code was amended and S.365A now criminalises acts of “gross indecency with another person” and other acts falling short of sexual intercourse. Since this provision incorporates gender-neutral language, it applies to acts between men and between women. A violation of Section 365A can lead to imprisonment of up to two years, a fine, or both.
In spite of many unique challenges and hardships, the LGBTQI+ community of Sri Lanka continues to persist. This a glimpse into their reality.
Living in Sri Lanka as LGBTQI+
“I always knew that I was different and of course it was challenging. I was doing a lot of research about the community on the internet and I had so many friends in school who identified as gay and queer, so that helped me explore more,” Gaa Pink said, adding: “I have been talking to my friends and allies about my personal preferences and that actually helped me make a good connection with people and raise awareness about many things.”
Touching on the topic of dating and relationships, the artist said non-binary people’s concerns about finding love are valid, but that they should maintain hope, as there are plenty of loving, accepting people willing to accommodate and embrace one’s identity.
“Know that the odds are fairly likely that you will be experiencing homophobia/transphobia while navigating your local scene. If that’s too much to handle, reconsider whether dating is what you want to do at this current moment in your life. Try not to sleep with people who fetishise your identity. It may seem harmless, but it’s actually quite transphobic, and that kind of violence often becomes routine and perpetuated in more ways than sexually, which puts you in danger,” Gaa PiNk said, adding that it is shocking that no matter where one works, humiliation and discrimination become everyday occurrences.
The artist went on to say that you can also get hurt from the things done to you by your own community.
In terms of myths and stereotypes, Gaa PiNk mentioned top/bottom sexual labels and the association of receptive roles with femininity, saying people have a right to make their own choices or describe their preferences.
“One day you will realise how hard living is, but keep trying because you are supposed to be free and loved by many people out there. So your time will come. Be strong, keep faith, and be humble and respectful. No one will be able to tear you apart,” Gaa PiNk said, when asked if they have a message to their younger self.
Unique mental health struggles
Maya is a LGBTQI+ poet who wished to remain anonymous for privacy and safety reasons. However, they shared their story with us under this alias.
“While depression, anxiety, and all other mental health issues can affect anyone, the reason that gives rise to it is different to a cisgender heterosexual. A person from the LGBTQI community usually struggles with identity and acceptance in society, etc., which don’t essentially apply to the cisgender heterosexuals,” Maya said.
Speaking about their younger self, Maya explained that they had no clue whatsoever about the LGBTQI community or even about heterosexual relationships for that matter. “It was all hush-hush. I wasn’t even aware about romance and the feelings associated with it. The movies I saw all had a heteronormative view.”
When Maya was 15, they sensed an attraction towards both men and women. “I would have crushes on women at the same intensity as those on men. Again, I didn’t analyse it. I was told women are anyway romantic in nature and closer with their female friends and it’s ‘normal’. It was after I left the country that I was exposed to the LGBTQI community – it was a surprise but a good one,” Maya said.
They eventually started to understand their feelings and made sense of them, going on to accept their bisexuality, which was liberating. “Since my sexual orientation isn’t known to many, I don’t find any issues. However, I do think about how it would affect my professional image if I do choose to be open about my identity, especially as I work in a remote village where the mindset still hasn’t changed,” Maya said.
Dating could be better in Sri Lanka, Maya said, explaining that there is still a lot of judgement. Trivial issues tend to be blown out of proportion by society, and this has an effect on relationships. Maya said they find it harder to date someone of the same sex, in comparison to the opposite sex.
“It could also perhaps be due to the fact that I’ve still not completely come out to the world. Only my close friends know. I still worry about what the family would think.”
When asked about the most annoying gender and sexual stereotypes, Maya said: “Even in a homosexual relationship, society assumes one of them ‘wears the pants’ in the relationship. The idea that society inflicts these gender stereotypes even in same gender relationships is just frustrating!”
A myth they would like to bust is that of a bisexual person dating someone of the other gender not being considered “bi enough”. Bisexuality is a spectrum, Maya said, explaining that the attraction towards each gender is not always equal.
Their message to their younger self was: “Don’t look at the world the way society wants you to perceive it. Break the filters and see it with your own eyes, experience life for yourself and never ever compromise on who you are. Be unapologetically yourself. Like the quote goes: Every revolution was first a thought in one man’s mind, and when the same thought occurs to another man, it is the key to that era.”
The writer is a passionate advocate and spoken word poet for marginalised communities, and a multifaceted academic with a background in law, gender and women’s studies, forensics, and psychology.