Sri Lankans hold culture and tradition in high regard, and as a result, much of what we do, administrative, governance, business, and even the application of the law in this country is often coloured with hues of ‘culture’.
What that ‘culture’ actually means is really up to interpretation. Especially considering our colonial history, there has been much debate about what ‘Lankan culture’ even is, if not a hybrid of practices that have stuck to us courtesy of our colonial overlords.
There are many practices and aspects of our culture that deserve the high regard they are given, for example, our obligation to our parents and vice versa. Unlike many Western cultures, Asians, especially South Asians, maintain a strong bond with their families, and sometimes these relationships go well beyond the immediate family of grandparents and parents.
Regardless, it can be an admirable thing – the care of one’s loved ones, especially the care of parents by their children when they are elderly and the children have long since started their own families. It is the same with parents extending their care for their adult offspring who remain in their childhood homes well into their thirties and beyond.
Moving out of your parents’ house
There is a flip side to even the most admirable aspects of our culture, especially in modern times. Take, for instance, the concept of independence and young people living on their own. For a long time it was viewed as a Western concept that Asians simply rejected, believing that we don’t need to learn to be by ourselves because we have a family. However, things have started to shift and many have begun to appreciate individuality and the importance of being independent. We, as a society, have started to place value in ourselves as individuals rather than constantly measuring our worth in a collective.
The first thing we can think of when it comes to an adult seeking out independence is to physically remove themselves from the family unit – in other words, to move out. Moving out is as alien a concept as it is for parents to put their own needs before their children’s – it simply does not happen in Sri Lanka. Often, children would remain with their parents and then transition to living with their spouse, likely at another family home as part of another family unit. There is no in-between, leaving no room for personal growth.
Can you move out if you wanted to?
Even if you are an adult above the age of 18, many of us in Sri Lanka live under the rule of our parents through our 20s. We must obtain our parents’ permission and report to them our comings and goings, inform them of our social and romantic lives and get their approval and so on. This has become the norm to the point where many adults in their 20s do not realise that they are fully grown adult citizens with autonomy.
So, what if you wished to have a bit more independence, and being a financially independent legal adult you make a decision to move out of your parents’ home to an apartment together with a romantic partner? What are the legal implications of such a decision? Can you actually just walk out of your parents’ home the moment you turn 18 and have no one to answer for?
This is what Asha (20) and Ashan (30) (names have been changed to protect their identity) – decided to do. The duo, who have been in a relationship for several years, decided they wished to purchase a home for themselves. They did not wish to get married, however, and because their respective families were not fully on board with their relationship, they wished to remove themselves from that negative environment. Both are financially independent adults, with professional careers – Asha is a teacher and Ashan has a private business and is a former Army officer, and are capable of fending for themselves. However, when Asha was getting ready to leave her home, her parents refused to let her leave and took her and Ashan to the Police station.
What can the Police do?
Despite being a legal adult, at the insistence of the parents, the officer at the Women and Child Desk stated that Asha could not leave her parents’ home in this manner, and that she must return. While it was made clear to the officer that she was a legal adult who could do as she pleased, because her parents insisted that Ashan was not a partner they approved and that he was not her husband, the Police officer ordered Asha to return home.
On the night of the incident, as the Police were insistent that Asha had to return home, she was left with no choice. However, the next day with the assistance of a lawyer she was able to place a preemptive statement at the station providing that she was leaving her parents’ home of her own free will and that her partner was not in any way coercing her.
While Asha was able to solve her issue, there are numerous legal adults who wish to achieve for themselves this kind of independence and are unable to do it because the Police often take the parents’ side, often in the name of culture. If you are an unmarried woman, they would not stand aside to let you exercise your legal rights.
Speaking to Brunch, Sri Lanka Police ASP Fredrick U.K. Wootler shared that legally speaking, the Police could not demand or force an adult to not exercise their freedoms, and if someone above the age of 18 wished to live alone or with a partner, then they may do so. “The Police can extend some advice for the couple to consider their parents’ wishes or to reconsider if they are in fact financially capable enough to look after themselves,” he said, adding that however, it could only be mere advice and there was no legal obligation on the side of the person looking to leave their parents’ home to abide by this advice.
We posed another incident to ASP Wootler regarding a scenario where the parents insisted that their adult offspring, a girl, who wished to leave their home was mentally unwell and demanded that she be subject to a psychological evaluation.
In this particular scenario, the Police confiscated that girl’s phone and laptop and demanded that she be taken to a psychologist to acquire a medical report declaring that she was of sane mind. Eventually, when she was produced before the medical officer, they demanded a court order for such a request and without a court order, they would not issue such a report without reasonable cause.
On this matter, ASP Wootler commented that the Police had acted beyond their authority and that they could not take actions such as confiscating an adult person’s phone without cause and demanding that they get an unwarranted medical examination. “It would be no different even if the girl was already on medication or treatment for any such ailments. The parents’ concern may be taken into consideration and the Police may strongly advise an evaluation. However, if the person is not being erratic or displaying signs of illness and general unfitness then it can only be a strongly worded piece of advice, nothing else,” stated ASP Wootler.
What is the law?
President’s Counsel Upali Mohotti shared that the law was clear on who was to be considered a legal adult. He noted that in Sri Lanka the moment you complete 18 years of age, you have legal autonomy. “You get full freedom and authority for yourself,” he explained.
When considering Asha and Ashan’s particular predicament, he stated that according to the Marriage Registration Ordinance of 1907, Section 15 reads that for a valid marriage, parties must be 18 years or older: “No marriage contracted after the coming into force of this section shall be valid unless both parties to the marriage have completed eighteen years of age.” However, of course, the exception is that if you are between 16 and 18 years, then you may proceed if you acquire the parental consent of the minor party.
He stated that in this particular scenario, however, there was absolutely no need for any parental consent as both parties had completed the age of 18. He also noted that the Maintenance Act, No. 37 of 1999 provided that an adult offspring may make an application of maintenance where they are unable to maintain themselves owing to reasonable cause, whereupon they may seek the courts’ assistance for maintenance by their parents. However, this Act exists in order to provide for those who are unable to provide for themselves, and it is once again absolutely irrelevant in this particular scenario.
We do not wish to encourage all disgruntled 19-year-olds to leave their home on a whim simply because they now know that they can. We simply hope that this information may be useful to someone like Asha and Ashan, who are in a tough, unfair, and frankly unauthorised bind with the Police. We hope that the Police, who are keepers of peace in communities, do not act beholden to our ‘culture,’ regardless of where that culture may stem from, and will only exercise the powers that are granted to them, and avoid becoming a moral police instead of keeping peace and ensuring that citizens remain in line with the law.