Psych-Ed by Raneesha De Silva
Seeing the word “pandemic” itself is distressing by now, but hear me out for a second. I assure you that it gets better…(well, not exactly. Today’s column is morbid, but essential).
Whilst the rest of the world had to slow down and re-evaluate their lifestyle during lockdown periods, certain individuals rather thrived on the opportunity that vulnerable populations such as women and children will be socially isolated. Complaints of gender-based violence and child sexual abuse skyrocketed in Sri Lanka.
This is a vast area to speak about: Why do people physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and/or socially abuse others? How does such abuse affect victims? Why aren’t victims more forthcoming? Why won’t law enforcement authorities prioritise these complaints? Why does it take so long to seek justice? As I hope to discuss the aforesaid concerns in upcoming columns, in today’s column I will address “child sexual grooming”, as it is one of the less spoken and reported areas in the criminal justice system, mainly due to the fact that on most occasions, the perpetrator is well known (adult authoritative figures labelled as “safe” by parents) to the victim (e.g., family member, family friends, teachers, and priests).
It is an important disclaimer to state that not all individuals who prey on children are individuals with paedophilic sexual interests. Yes, it is true that the sexual interest in children is termed as “paedophilia”. However, a mere interest is not a crime, unless an act was committed. Contrary to the popular notion, not all individuals who engage in sexual acts with children have paedophilic sexual interests. Some of them choose a child to fulfil their sexual needs mostly due to easy access, their lack of intimacy/social skills to sustain intimate relationships with consenting adults, and/or perceive children to be less threatening than adults. Many of these perpetrators have adapted a “trustworthy and entertaining” persona to lower parental suspicions.
The grooming process mostly happens over a long period of time, over a few months and sometimes even years (!). The process is extremely subtle that it may not feel and/or look like “textbook abuse”, which is why it is easy to go unnoticed by not only bystanders, but also by the victim him/herself. Isolated children with low self-esteem, and unstable and dysfunctional family background (e.g., single mothers/parental drug abuse) easily fall prey to the sexual grooming process.
In a snapshot (sorry, no flowery filters in this scenario), the perpetrator will verbally and physically desensitise the child towards sexual acts (i.e., watching them change clothes, “accidental” touching, exposure to phonographic material, offering to teach masturbation), implying as if it is for the child’s benefit. Once successfully desensitised, the perpetrator will begin to further isolate the child physically (e.g., offers to babysit/give a ride home) and mentally (i.e., psychologically and socially separate from close support networks such as family and friends). Finally, the perpetrator will approach the child for sexual acts such as sexual intercourse, oral sex, and/or masturbation through systematic physical contact (e.g., rubdown, undressing, bathing together), verbal lead-ins (e.g., suggest playing sex games), and explicit sexual discussions.
On the (un)fortunate possibility that the child realises these sexual acts to be “bad touch”, and may decide to alert an adult, the perpetrator will convince the child that it is: 1) their loss to lose the special attention s/he receives; 2) nobody will believe them and in turn s/he will experience victim blaming; 3) threaten to harm the child/family member/pet. If the victim responds with silence, confusion and/or fear, the perpetrator will justify it as compliance.
The sexual grooming process is now easier more than ever due to easy, affordable, and anonymous use of the internet. The growing need of appropriate sex education for both children and adults is substantial. How do you expect children to recognise and report “bad touch”, if they do not know which actions constitute it? Do not allow cultural factors to conceal abuse – encourage children to speak against adults who cause them discomfort. Now that you know what sexual grooming looks like, call it out when you see it. Educate the victim’s parents. Do not misperceive it as you getting involved in personal affairs. It is your civic duty to be a whistle-blower for the right reasons.
If you found today’s writing to be too technical and filled with jargon, “Abducted in Plain Sight” is a Netflix documentary which distinctly demonstrates the sexual grooming process of a very unfortunate yet real-life story of 12-year-old Jan Broberg. I highly recommend that everyone, especially parents, watch it.
(The writer is a forensic psychologist based in Sri Lanka who currently leads a QR-GCRF-funded research project regarding post-crisis disaster management of armed forces. She has research and clinical experience across a maximum-security prison, military hospital, and high-secure hospital. Her research interests include trauma and recovery, bullying, callous and unemotional traits, psychopathy, and serial homicide)
Main pic credit: The Guardian