Colombo Confessions is all about having a laugh. I’ve had the misfortune of associating with a wide cross-section of Colombo denizens. This column is a look at the lighter (sometimes) side of Lankans in the capital of Sri Lanka.
It’s Rohith at work. “Rawhitha” by colleagues. Rohitha by those sane. All my split personalities are conjured up and no one knows who is who. It is this thought that led to a cornucopia of other caffeine-inspired thoughts. As I went on my knees and raised my eyes to the sky, I stopped; this was not a great position to be in early in the morning. Religion was a form of abuse that was drilled into my skull from an early age. Out of all the many religious lies that managed to stay in my consciousness was the biblical one about being equally yoked. Interpret it any way you want, but the interpretation back in the day was that one should never marry a non-believer.
Then the interpretation moved onto social and economic status. Since monotheistic religions are now thankfully dying off, and people are realising that marriage too is an archaic institution that belongs in the recycling bin, we can safely say in this day and age that being equally yoked means to be on the same footing socially and economically. And this has turned out to be a global axiom.
To me, dear Colombite, marriage IS archaic, and, frankly, has no place in modern society. Leave alone the fact that both husband and wife are damaged thanks to their own skewed parental upbringings, they hand over a dowry (and yes, dowries are still very much a part of most marriages, even in our “elite” Colombo circles) and a bucket of generational trauma onto their kids to take into their marriage as well. (And then have the gall to wonder why the kids are screwed up.)
And now about these parents from yesteryear, the ones who insist on their children being successful and/or equally yoked come hell or high water. They seem like devoted parents, yes, but how much of their parenting is about their children and how much is actually all about themselves and their greater glory?
For many “devoted” parents, their children are just vehicles to grasp more glory from the world for themselves. Their attitude towards their children is that of sadism. Their orientation is hypocrisy. They wallow in self-pity and frequently glorify their self-sacrifice to remind the world how much they have suffered for their children’s sakes (when the actual truth is that they continually make their children suffer for their projects), but actually it’s all just a surreptitious exercise in psychic vampirism and meticulous image management.
Parenting to them is either about glory (my child’s achievements, competitiveness) or pain (punishment, punishment, punishment, exaggerated fear of failure), and not warmth, nurture, and joy. They actually enjoy seeing their children suffer, but they would never openly admit it. A narcissistic parent in disciplinarian mode is a fearsome sight because there is no restraint and there is no conscience. There is only the blind sadistic hunger to inflict pain and an unreasoning mind that isn’t aware that it cannot reason.
All I can say to these high-flying narcissistic Colombo aunties and uncles is: Let the kids be. Don’t transfer your insecurities and your aspirations to them. In other words, don’t abuse them. In Sri Lanka, it’s (STILL!) all about becoming a lawyer, doctor, or engineer and earning those millions simply because the kids are meant to be a trophy thrown around the world to see.
Children are their own entity and have the ability to expand their horizons and become truly great in their contribution to the world. Don’t be that parent who gets into an orgy of passive aggression and runs around broadcasting your pain to the world. Don’t ruin everything around you to bring about more pain. Remember that it is your children that suffer, and as a consequence of suffering, they will extend that suffering to the rest of the world.
(Rohitha Perera is a writer, blogger, and content marketer from Colombo, Sri Lanka. He used to be an editor at a lifestyle magazine, and now works in the IT industry)
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.
