By Kusumanjalee Thilakarathna
Do you have a soulmate? To answer this question, we need to talk about who a soulmate is and what we expect from them. To make this topic more agreeable to those who believe soulmates to be non-existent mythical creatures, let’s use the term “best friend” instead.
All of us have friends and sometimes best friends among them. May it be a soulmate, a friend, or a “BFF”, what’s most valued is the deep 
connection that we share. There is also a set of qualities that we expect from friends. Acceptance, understanding, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold your hand when you need comfort, affection, and no hesitation to right your wrongs are just a few on this list. Most importantly, we feel a sense of belonging with this person, and they inspire us to become a better version of ourselves.
A soulmate is like a best friend, but more. The guiding principle in such relationships is that needs are equally met; whatever it is that you expect from this relationship, you are expected to return it.
Imagine what you will do in the following instances:
- Your friend has lost something valuable, something with a sentimental value and they says it’s their fault
- Your friend is 30-plus and single, and under pressure from their parents and family
- Your friend got dumped and is convinced it’s their fault
- They were fired from a job over a dispute with the boss
- They keep failing one level of the professional exam they are doing
How will you approach your friend if they are going through something like the above? You’ll most likely try your best to console them, help them lift their mood, and keep their spirits high to overcome the challenge.
Now that we weighed what we offer our friends against what we expect from them, we can move on to the most significant query of this article (perhaps the most important query of our lives).
Have you been a soulmate, a best friend, to yourself, like you have been a friend to the person whom you love the most? It’s easy for us to love, respect, appreciate, or even forgive others, especially friends. But many of us believe loving ourselves is optional. Do you feel it’s fair to expect others to be kind to us and understand us when we are not kind to ourselves first? How can we love someone fully and expect them to love us back if we do not know how to love ourselves?
Imagine a situation where you have to spend time with a person who doesn’t accept or understand you, and feels uncomfortable instead. Now imagine having to be with this person, 24/7, with no route to escape. Unbearable, isn’t it? What if this person is no one but yourself?
Unfortunately, many among us continue to live with feelings of self-denial, feeling that we don’t belong with ourselves, and it feels like we are not our true selves. The root cause of many psychological problems we experience can be this very reason – our inability to tolerate ourselves. In psychology terms, we call this “self-acceptance”.
A lack of self-acceptance can hold you back in every area of your life. It affects your confidence and can prevent you from reaching your full potential. Most importantly, a lack of self-acceptance can make it difficult for you to live with yourself.
One key area to look into, if you are looking to improve your mental health and well-being, is to find ways of accepting your true self to pave the way to achieving good mental, emotional and spiritual health. In simpler terms, it is the first step to creating your own soulmate – that one person who’ll be by your side, no matter what.
