“What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me… don’t hurt me, no more…”
Anyone who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s would immediately recognise these words from an irritating yet fun tune by an artist called Haddaway who were a dance/electronic act, and upon hearing these words one is automatically driven to hear the annoyingly infectious melodies ringing in the recess of one’s brain.
It’s not that different from the overly commercialised aspects of Valentine’s Day. It’s over sensationalised, over glamorised and oversold around the world as one of the most celebrated holidays/events, from television and film, social media, advertising and marketing and today signifies a momentous occasion of engaging in romantic rendezvous and exchanging gifts with one’s loved ones.
It’s that time of year where the ideology of cherishing and celebrating love is now replaced with an over commercialised zeal to glorify public displays of affection, materialistic depictions of fondness and turned into a bloody circus where self-indulgence and candid expressionism trumps the original sentiments of the occasion.
Yes, I agree that this is no different from the mass commercialised supplementary theatrics of other religious and historical milestone occasions.
It’s as cringeworthy as it gets.
Japes aside though… We need to ask ourselves an integral question amidst the heart-stained hogwash, soppy balderdash and public masquerade of modern love fiesta it has transcended into today.
What is love?
Love actually
Well, what IS love? For real.
Is the nucleus of love something so unadulterated and narcissistic where it craves such attention and public aggrandising?
For love to thrive and flourish in its barest, purest essence, does it require showers of affection and undivided emotional conquest?
Or is love something more visceral, primal and adventurous?
Is it something that defies tradition, boundaries, linear customs, conventional definitions and peripheries?
Is love unorthodox by nature? Is it outrageous, rebellious, unhinged and uncontainable?
It’s one of the greatest oxymorons of all time, yes?
Love is kind, love is compassionate, love is beautiful, love heals… but love is ferocious, free, fervent, wild and raucous.
Love is a feeling and yet it is also intent. Love is an ideology but it is also by virtue something that anchors the human soul to embody a value system.
Love is fleeting and love is everlasting.
Love is the greatest paradox. And yet it is also the greatest constant in a world full of change.
Love is black, love is white, love is the ethereal grey of emotional equilibrium.
Whatever one’s experience and definition of love… It brooks no debate that love is complex and cannot be pigeonholed and boxed into a neat little commodity that can be manufactured, processed and packaged for mass consumerism.
Drawing some perspective
How is love linked to Valentine’s Day? And what in seven hells is all the fuss about?
With Valentine’s Day looming around the corner, and the commercial bedlam of brands and businesses exploiting and milking the occasion for all it’s worth… it is a prudent question, is it not?
It’s all festivity and celebratory spirit with garnished hearts festooned everywhere, love songs and ballads filling the airways, promotions with cute little cherubs poised in mid-shot of firing an arrow brandished from mobile apps to websites…
But what does it mean and truly signify?
And how are its primary applications relevant to us in this day and age?
The bloody history
It’s a well-known fact that a great many events we celebrate possess darker backstories and rather grim origins.
One thread of belief traces Valentine’s Day back to vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
Taking us back to the rule of Roman Emperor Claudius II, who decreed that single men made better soldiers and thus should abstain from having wives and families and outlawed marriage. One gent named Valentinus defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in clandestine fashion. Claudius II demanded the execution of Valentinus and ordered several other men executed on the 14 of February. It is said that one of those executed men later became a martyr in the Christian faith.
The Catholic Church however recognises at least three individuals who were named Valentinus that were martyred.
Some believe that Valentine’s Day is a commemoration of Bishop Valentine of Terni who defied the emperor and was beheaded outside Rome.
Pretty brutal huh?
Whatever the accepted storyline, one thing is clear as blood-stained glass. Valentine’s Day and its origins are of defiance, blood, execution and martyrdom.
The reality
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is wing’d cupid painted blind.”
A Midsummer Night’s Dream,
The Bard of Avon
However, the most common and widely accepted narrative is that of a cute winged baby carrying a golden bow and arrows, and if the said baby shoots one of its arrows and it pierces a person’s heart, it symbolises love.
In Roman mythology Cupid is the son of Venus; the goddess of beauty and love. As per the legendary tales Cupid is the god of affection. He fires golden tipped arrows at gods and humans alike. Whoever his arrows touch or whatever heart is pierced – the victims of his mischievous public service end up falling in love.
Of course, it is said that Cupid also sports another kind of arrow, one with a blunt lead tip that makes people fall out of love. But this fact is buried in the overly commercialised narrative.
From the 14th to the 17th Century, painters and sculptors depicted Cupid as a baby angel. This same image appeared on Valentine’s Day cards during the late 1800s. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this is the version of Cupid, and the most commonly associated narrative of Valentine’s Day that is widely and most commonly advocated and known.
Humanity
We humans need a moment to reset, recalibrate and rejuvenate. Of that there is no doubt. We are feeble, fickle and mundane creatures. We create, we destroy, we bastardise, contaminate, wage wars, colonise, dehumanise and annihilate all we touch.
But humanity also has moments of rare feats of brilliance, wonder, selflessness and harmony. We strive to be better. We work relentlessly to put food on our tables and provide, protect and preserve that which we love the most.
For all our flaws and faults, we are also a sentimental, emotional, gullible and short-sighted race. We cherish our moments of escapism. We value our moments of relief and champion every opportunity we get to experience new sensations, to learn new lessons, to grow and evolve as a species.
And love is a cornerstone of our self-actualisation and evolution.
Ergo, we cannot fault each other for craving and yearning to celebrate Valentine’s Day with our loved ones. Some do it silently behind closed doors, some do it privately, while others do it with grandeur and epic public displays of grandiosity.
To each their own, right?
In hopeless abandon
Celebrate and commemorate Valentine’s Day as you will. But mayhap consider for a moment that while we are still in a pandemic world, many nations are still hauled to their knees and crippled by new variants, economic crises, societal issues and personal strife that love is something that is omnipresent and always there.
Love should rise above and beyond the petty commercial narrative.
It would not accentuate or recede merely on 14 February.
Love is also universal and selfless, and it’s easy while we wine and dine, frolic and fraternise, romanticise and glamourise the symbolic essence of love in a larger-than-life fashion – that there are a great many whose plight is forgotten, blurred and blotted out by the commercial strains of consumeristic nuance. Families, children, teenagers and many others who lack the basic essentials for daily survival.
Many of us have moved on, and adapted, adopted and ploughed through the obstacles of the pandemic and many more have not… continue to suffer, to struggle and their plight isn’t always brought to light.
Brands and services, businesses and governments don’t care to shine a light to the darkened cracks, fissures and corners where the ugliness of existence lies nestled in hopeless abandon. You can’t sell happiness and joy, affluence and comfort, excess and bliss by holding a magnifying glass to the disenfranchised and disempowered.
So go forth and enjoy your Valentine’s if you must… but since you are choosing to celebrate an event and occasion with bloody origins; one of defiance, one of personal sacrifice and steadfast commitment to be selfless…
Whatever your definition of love…
Think outside of the common narrative, change the story a little and maybe think outside of your comfort realm and circles and reach out to someone in need.
Someone lonely out there might need a friend, ears to listen, a shoulder to lean on in silence.
Someone out there might need a helping hand. Some aid, some advice, some love.
Remember a little selfless love will trump all this unconditional commercial love nonsense any day.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
(The writer is the frontman and lyricist of Stigmata, a creative consultant and brand strategist by profession, a self-published author and poet, thespian, animal rescuer, podcaster, and fitness enthusiast)
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.
