By Kusumanjalee Thilakarathna
“I work all night, I work all day to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain’t it sad?
And still, there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That’s too bad”
These first few lines of the famous ABBA song Money, Money, Money have become so relatable to the youth of Sri Lanka today. We work hard to earn money with a plan to save up and live a decent life in the future. But for most of us, this dream now seems a little too far from reach.
Some say money can’t buy happiness; yet the situation today makes us hope and pray for this opinion to be true – that happiness and money do not have a connection. Happiness is indeed a state of mind, and a state of mind can’t be purchased. Dealing with an unfortunate economic crisis, however, many Sri Lankans surely would argue otherwise.
Is wealth evil?
In conversations with friends, you may have come across thoughts questioning how the rich feel about the current economic situation of the country, thinking “don’t they go through the same problems we have?”, “can’t they see how their actions are ruining us?”, and so on.
Not surprisingly, several studies have shown that wealth may be at odds with empathy and compassion. A research study published in the journal Psychological Science reports that people of lower economic status are better at reading others’ facial expressions – an important marker of empathy – than those who are rich. As the article explains, this could be due to the environment of the lower-class families and the life challenges they have come across that have made them better at understanding how other people feel.
Behaviour experts argue that merely thinking about money can lead to unethical behaviour. A study done in San Francisco, USA found that drivers of luxury cars were four times less likely than those in less expensive vehicles to stop and allow pedestrians the right of way where the law requires that cars stop at crosswalks for pedestrians to pass. They also found that these rich drivers were more likely to cut off other drivers. Researchers from Harvard and the University of Utah found that study participants were more likely to lie or behave immorally after being exposed to money-related words.
Money can become an obsession
Even though money is essential in life, a person can develop an unhealthy dependency on cash; a form of addiction. Some of these addictive habits are obvious and noticeable, while most are not. It is easy to spot some of these obvious manifestations, such as a gambler or one who flashes luxurious belongings.
People who are addicted to money require money to feel happy and satisfied, but the feeling is short-lived, and they end up planning other ways to make more money. They may also feel the need to keep their destructive behaviour private due to the shame that comes with it. These feelings may become more and more impulsive, and the consequences can be highly negative. At a personal level, a person may end up losing property, going bankrupt, or having problems in their personal and professional relationships.
Feelings associated with money
The most important emotions concerning money are fear, guilt, shame, and envy. There can be a lot of complex feelings associated with matters related to money, especially related to the financial problems we face due to the current situation. You might feel guilty for spending money, even if you know you can afford it. Thoughts about how other people struggle with finances these days might make you feel guilty about spending money on pampering yourself with ice cream or some candy.
There can be instances where you have borrowed some money from a friend or a colleague, even from a family member. You might feel guilty for seeking support, even if you know you need it. You might feel ashamed for needing support. You might be afraid of looking at your bank balance or speaking to the bank. If you’re under a lot of pressure to support your family or manage your finances, you may even develop stress and anxiety, worrying too much about the problems that may arise in the future. You might feel tired or worn down, especially if you’ve been struggling with money problems for a long time.
It’s worth spending some effort to become aware of the emotions that are especially tied to money for you because, without awareness, they will tend to override rational thinking and drive your actions. You might find it helpful to take some time to think about how you feel about money and why you feel about it that way.
For example, if you’ve struggled with money in the past or didn’t have much money growing up, this might affect the way you feel about money now. Once you have a closer look at how you feel about money, you might start to feel like you understand your habits and patterns around money a bit more. Knowing these could help you plan for difficult times.
(Kusumanjalee Thilakarathna is a mental health professional and has, over the past ten years, contributed to several Sri Lankan media publications in both English and Sinhala languages. She mainly focuses on topics related to psychology and counselling in her writing)
