“Out of the hands of innocence
The messenger torn in time
Into the raging tempest
To be nestled in my calm”
- Calm (The Ascetic Paradox, 2015) by Stigmata
We all know what stress is. What it feels like. The grief that comes with tension in our lives. Sometimes, circumstances throw us off track. Events outside our control will derail us. We will stumble, tumble, and fail in daily tasks and duties. Sometimes we will face incomprehensible adversity. Many are the hurdles and obstacles that tend to stack up to block our path, to hinder our progress in life.
Professionally, it could be a boss at work, egocentric, lacking any sense of leadership skills, but so performance- and target-oriented that anyone under the said managerial figure must succumb to their rule of thumb – the kind of micro-managing militaristic leadership that is concerned and infatuated with processes and outcomes, and ends up abusing, exploiting, and overworking those under their purview and supervision.
You could be in a stressful family situation. Your peace of mind might be constantly challenged by family members who mean well and have good intentions, but are just mean and insensitive. You might be the victim, or even someone caught in the crosshairs of perpetual family drama – arguments, accusations, fights, gaslighting, and eternal chastisement – that is having a toll on your mental health and wellbeing.
Or perhaps you are in a relationship that brings out the worst in you. You may find yourself with a dangerously narcissistic partner who keeps demeaning and demoralising you at every turn. Always seeking to belittle and begrudge you of achieving anything for yourself outside the confines and trappings of the relationship itself.
Socially, you might find yourself as part of a group or clique of friends who don’t have your best interests at heart. They keep discouraging you when you look to either get into shape and improve your fitness and health, or they might demotivate you when you are trying to find some stability and longevity with your vocational pursuits. Some may keep distracting you by endorsing a lifestyle that is toxic, and not beneficial to you in the long run; partying, getting frequently intoxicated, and making you spend more than you earn on superficial things so you are unable to save, invest, or possess a disposable income for other more integral things in life.
In the few examples mentioned above – and all of them very realistic scenarios, mind you – we may often find ourselves lost at sea without a lifeboat, a ring buoy, anything to anchor us, or aid us to get by because we are in a permanent struggle of worrying, battling negativity, having no head space to find composure or calm, and we have zero clarity of mind.
Harder than we think
Finding calm amidst the chaos of existence is not easy – and the pursuit of finding that calm, and learning to instil it in our lives, is a lot harder than we imagine, for we have gotten so consumed by bad habits, negative thoughts, and conflicting patterns of behaviour that the tempests in life are familiar playgrounds to us.
Seeking calmness can feel like searching for a needle in a million haystacks. It’s more integral now than ever to figure out how to pursue our life’s journey, to work towards our goals, to responsibly fulfil our duties by conquering the stressful situations in life.
How can we overcome adversity? Can we be more focused on controlling our vices and our impulses? Are there ways that we can learn to master self-control? To be more conscionable, mindful, respectful of your gifts and talents, the opportunities and choices you have in life, your blessings.
Whatever situation we are in, remaining calm, and keeping cool is critical when it comes with taking decisions be it professionally or personally. Keeping your composure in heated situations will help avoid unnecessary conflict, agitation, and unpleasantness. Keeping a level head in times of crisis would be valuable in tackling the most irksome challenges that life throws your way.
Does it not make sense, that in order to start our quest of exploration and the discovery of truth, results and resolutions, answers, and solutions, we need to first be of sound spirit and soothing mind?
The calmer you are, the clearer you think
Here are some tips for finding calmness when you are anxious, overwhelmed, and dealing with a whole lot of stress:
- Know and challenge your thoughts
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength”
- Marcus Aurelius
A lot of the time when we are stressed, anxious, or angry, we tend to behave irrationally and out of impulse – often regretting our actions or words later, which is why it is vital to first identify and accept that you are stressed or tensed.
Tell yourself it is perfectly normal and fine to be anxious or angered, but that it is not okay to lash out or behave in a manner that can be harmful to others or yourself. You must then challenge your thoughts, try and trace the source of what triggered and made you upset. Once you are able to understand the root cause of the problem, only then can you treat the symptoms.
- Breathe
“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power”
- James Allen
Scientists have discovered and depicted that breathing is perhaps one of the most effective techniques in reducing anxiety, and controlling your anger. When we are tense or stressed, in our anxiety, we tend to take quick, shallow breaths that trigger a fight or flight response due to feedback loops being sent to our brain.
However, by regulating and controlling our breathing, we are able to disrupt that loop. There are many different techniques to control your breathing, you can read up or find videos online that are incredibly helpful. Breathing via meditation, exercise, or in concentrated moments throughout your day can help you calm down and not fire up.
- Think it through
“We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how to respond to them”
- Epictetus
Once you do find that you are somewhat cooled down, though not completely composed, try and ask yourself why you are irked and irritated. Ask yourself how you ended up in that particular situation in the first place, whether this is a first-time incident, or something that happens often. Push yourself to investigate the details of whether your likely response and reaction will result in a favourable outcome.
Challenge yourself to address the elephant in the room of your consciousness, and calculate if stressing over that particular thing, or series of things is worth it, and will benefit you in any way. Once you accept that you may be worked up over things beyond or outside your control, then you will learn to gradually not stress over things you cannot change.
- Change your focus
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”
- Carl Jung
In order to inform your autonomic nervous system to stand down, you turn your attention to something else. It could be watching Jimmy Carr or Anthony Jeselnik savagely roast an audience during a stand-up routine, it could be an informative video by Andrew Huberman, or a quirky lesson about the universe by Neil deGrasse Tyson, it might be an episode of the new Neil Gaiman-inspired The Sandman series on Netflix, or listening to some music you love that calms you whether it’s Bach, Bon Jovi,.or Black Sabbath.
Turn your focus to a central point of something else, preferably something that will make you smile or laugh, be intrigued by, have to concentrate on with great interest, be fascinated with, or be inspired by. Change your focal point and you will not dwell on what angers or agitates you to no end.
- Fuel
“Give me fuel, give me fire, give me something I desire!”
- Metallica
A lot of times when we are stressed like hell, we tend to be dehydrated and hangry. With an empty stomach, and a dehydrated body, you cannot be relaxed or keep cool in fiery situations. Have a healthy snack (or an unhealthy one if you treat yourself to a calorie-dense meal once in a while!), a bit of dark chocolate, coffee, or green tea can boost brain health, and reduce the body’s stress response.
Do not confuse this with stress-eating! That’s not going to solve any problems. It’s about knowing that people who have had some fuel, and are hydrated tend to not flare up as easily.
- Do something you love
“Work on yourself, heal your being and then share it so others can grow too”
- Seneca the Younger
Whether it’s spending time with a pet, working out every day for a short period of time, writing poetry, reading a book, composing a song, or cooking something, or even just going for a short walk while listening to some music or an audio book, can be beneficial to easing your mental health, and reducing your stress. When you do something that you enjoy, your mind releases serotonin, which is a “feel good” chemical that regulates your moods.
(The writer is the frontman and lyricist of Stigmata, a creative consultant and brand strategist by profession, a self-published author and poet, thespian, animal rescuer, podcaster, and fitness enthusiast)
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The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.
