- In conversation with Lohansa J. Widyaratne on her book
What makes a good author? Is it the art of wordplay, or the ability to find meaning in things others usually would not? Or perhaps, is it the ability to be authentic about what they feel, how they feel, and when they feel it? Or, is it that endlessly entangled string-ball of emotions that refuses to come unravelled?
This week Brunch spoke to an author who wrote just because they felt life – and felt it in spades. We sat down with Lohansa J. Widyaratne to pick her mind about why she wrote ‘Tinted Glass & Broken Hearts’. Authentic and quirky, she opened up and let her thoughts flow, carrying us into her singular world of words and emotions.
The art of feeling
Widyaratne sees herself as a human being who feels a lot and somebody who can also derive meaning in what she feels. “I think I saw life through tinted glass – and not the rosy kind. I would have liked to write things which are all just positive, but at the same time, I wanted to not wear a mask. The fog cleared, if that makes sense,” she shared, making way for a conversation about how she sees life. Just 19 years old, Lohansa completed her GCE A/L examinations a couple of weeks ago, while she also published her first book – a collection of poetry – on 4 March.
The young author stated that her parents were incredibly supportive, but also often wondered why her poetry would seem so dark, and perhaps so pensive. “I think at one point I wanted to force myself to write positive things. But at the same time, I always knew that I did not want to wear a mask. So I ended up writing what felt authentic to me,” she shared, explaining how she came about stringing together the poetry that made it into her book.
Widyaratne is compelling; a young but brilliant mind, capable of eloquent articulation; she perhaps gives herself too little credit for all that she has accomplished and how artistically she has put her life into poetry in the form of a unique autobiography that is ‘Tinted Glass & Broken Hearts’.
“I was in a dark place, and you know it was that age where you are still a child so you are not expected to make decisions on your own, but at the same time, you also feel like you are becoming an adult? You get caught up in that transition and feel that the world is so unwelcoming of who you are becoming,” she shared.
Driven by emotions
Speaking about her capacity to feel and to be able to process her feelings, Widyaratne stated that her creative process was hugely impacted by her feelings. “I am an emotionally-driven person and while most people say that emotions are not my friend and that I should not be emotional, I don’t want to wear a mask,” she asserted.
The author also stated that the poetry in her book included work that she had been compiling since 2016. “People say be professional. When you are emotional, you are not professional, and this writing is what I hope to make my profession. Talk about the irony, that I am making my profession unprofessional. I am a private person, but when the flood gates open, like right now, I let the words flow,” she shared.
The young author said that her first poem was perhaps written after a geography test in school, for which she stayed up studying until 4 a.m. Even after the exam was done, she remained active and was so energetic that she wanted to direct her energy somewhere – and that somewhere turned out to be poetry.
“I also was fortunate that my family has been so supportive. My father would always encourage me to publish my poetry. Later on it became less about making my father proud and more about release. I wrote when I was happy or sad. I think I continued to write because of that,” Widyaratne noted.
Expectations and measurements of success
How do we measure success? Is it dependent on how we feel, or how others see us once we have accomplished something? Widyaratne stated that her relationship with success was complicated.
“I have always had a safe place to express myself. My parents have raised me to have my opinions and I think that has helped me grow into myself. So even in the compilation of this book, I think I grew into myself. The person I was when I started writing this book is so different from the person I was when I finished writing it. When I started I was bitter, angry, and confused, and as I wrote, the world became clearer, I grew to appreciate small things,” she shared.
Widyaratne stated that she tended to keep her expectations low when trying something new, so that she would not be disappointed. She stated that her parents too advised her to write it for herself more than anything else. “I don’t know how successful this book will be, but I think I wrote it for myself and that fact makes me proud. It feels selfish though, that all I have been doing is talking about myself, but I am not a selfish person,” Widyaratne shared.
She sees herself as a person who is in herself an open book – and that vulnerability transferred into the poetry she compiled. “I feel scared that I have laid bare my soul, but also I am proud and amazed that I wrote it anyway,” she revealed.
“I think I am a huge people pleaser. I try to do my best so that people will not judge me. But I also know that I did my best and that there is nothing I can do to control how others see me,” she added.
The corridor with a dead end
The cover illustration of ‘Tinted Glass & Broken Hearts’ is unique. Done in a watercolour style that meets line drawing, it features a corridor that ends in a domed archway leading to a church, displaying tinted glass. “Do you like the cover art?” Widyaratne asks. “Thiyara and Yuthara Ranasinghe are twins and two of my closest friends, they did the cover art. They were as excited as my parents for this book to be published,” she shared.
Widyaratne elaborated that they came up with the cover art during a 30-minute Zoom call, where she described the colours that she wanted. “The perks of having somebody who knows you inside out is that they come up with the cover art for your book just in one night. The stained glass here has a very ‘churchy’ vibe. I don’t really know how the broken hearts applied to it, but I think I channelled it through the tinted glass,” she explained, attempting to decode a complex labyrinth of emotions that she experienced while conceptualising the book itself.
The author stated that to her, tinted glass is beautiful, but also feels off-kilter somehow, much like how she felt her life was at the time of writing. The cover illustration honours the thought well, with rosy touches here and there, with a dark tint to the glass and a hint of grime and wear.
Widyaratne stated that there was one verse that stuck with her, the one that spoke to her the most, from her poem titled ‘The Mind Palace’ which goes:
“I entertain there,
People love the flowers
And the sun,
It never rains there,
It only rains inside the house”
Tinted Glass & Broken Hearts is available for purchase at The Jam Fruit Tree Publications.
