- Content creator Aasif Faiz on growing up in SL and the beautiful concept of unlearning
By Grace Wickremasinghe
On an island known for its kindness, warmth, love, and care, lives (ironically) a marginalised community, battling too many heteronormative barriers, vilified and discriminated by the legal system. In spite of many unique challenges and hardships, the LGBTQI+ community of Sri Lanka continues to persist. This is a glimpse into their reality.
Aasif Faiz is probably best known for his hilarious TikToks, fashionable outfits, and scrumptious cooking videos. He shared his perspective on being a part of the Sri Lankan LGBTQI+ community and the ups and downs he’s faced along the way.
Following are excerpts from the interview:
What was it like growing up in Sri Lanka?
I don’t remember knowing anything about the community growing up. Life at home and school strictly fostered a heterosexual environment and there wasn’t much exposure to anything outside.
I identify as bisexual, and this is something I sort of always knew, even throughout my young years, pre-puberty. The side of myself that was attracted to men remained hidden simply because I wasn’t sure my environment would respect or accept it.
Coming out happened in three stages, first to my best friend in school at the time who I had a crush on. Whilst he didn’t share the same feelings, he reassured me that it was fine, which I think really helped me understand the beginning of acceptance. The second stage was at university, which I think, was when I truly started allowing myself to flourish.
However, university wasn’t a totally positive experience. I had students walking up to me to talk to me about why my existence was wrong and how my choices apparently affected them. Not forgetting to mention a circular that passed from university mentioning things that are not allowed, of which same-sex relationships were one. Yeah, printed on paper. By this point, I was out to everyone else, including work, but not my family. That was my final stage.
Coming from a Muslim family, I don’t think I expected much. Initially, three uncles in the family started gossiping around, which started seeds of doubts. Then, through a family fight that went wrong, I unloaded on our WhatsApp group. There was silence, then there was understanding, of my journey, of my struggles, and what life has been for me thus far.
I do owe it to my siblings in helping my mother come to terms with things, especially my sister who, as a counsellor, was equipped for those conversations. That way I had a little bit of luck.
School and university, when I was in them, wasn’t a fostering environment, but I can’t speak for those now. Whilst I do see things changing, it’s what we don’t see that’s scary. I’m a very open individual, and I wouldn’t work anywhere that’s not LGBTQIA+ friendly. For most of my career in advertising, I have found that, and I always help educate others and help them understand the community and subject better if they’re simply unaware or have no exposure to things.
Unlearning is a beautiful concept, is it not? As with every interview I do, I always mention that while I have had my struggles, I do have privileges now that others do not and I have to recognise it. My answers will only be tied to my personal experience and don’t speak to the community as a whole. There are many who still struggle in these situations, thereby organisations need all the help they can get.
What about dating and relationships?
Dating and relationships – aren’t we getting personal! Well, it’s not the greatest for us folk with alternate sexualities. Sri Lanka is a conservative country with traditional values that affect heterosexual relationships, that same essence comes amplified towards us queer folk. So it’s tough. Dating is not easy and relationships are even harder.
Are there unique mental health struggles as a member of the LGBTQI+ community?
This is not to say one is greater. We all have our struggles, but there are a lot of struggles LGBTQIA+ individuals have that cis-gendered heterosexuals have the privilege of not knowing. Living as a member of the queer community in a country like Sri Lanka is a constant battle for normalcy. Internalised homophobia is rampant and requires a lot of unlearning as well, birthed from glorified normalised heterosexuality that leaves no room for conversation or exposure to other types of relationships. All this was to say that some of us grow up unaware and believing we are flawed, which can lead to catastrophic problems in life in relation to mental health.
This however is changing thanks to social media and entertainment, but can still always be better. As a survivor of sexual assault who’s never sought out legal help simply because of how the stories of LGBTQIA+ people are treated – which opens a whole other can of trauma – yes, we do have different struggles.
What are your thoughts on allies?
Having allies is one of the most important parts of your journey, and this goes across everything. You can’t change the world alone, hence, help is something we’ll always need.
What are the most annoying gender and sexual stereotypes?
One, that masculinity and femininity are tied to both gender and sexuality. It is not. Be whoever you want to be, dress however you want to dress, and act however you want to act.
Two, that bisexuals aren’t monogamous. If you’re straight, there’s no guarantee your partner won’t cheat on you either. Bisexuality and monogamy are not mutually exclusive. Like all of us, we all want different things, some are monogamous and some are polyamorous, and so on just like heterosexuals. Have open conversations with your partners and learn to facilitate trust.
A myth about LGBTQI+ you want to bust?
That we’re a new Western fad. To those who think it, I say, honey, open a book, look it up on the internet. There’s a whole wide world of information out there that’s also accessible enough for you to still be this embarrassingly ignorant. We aren’t new, nor did we just get here, we’ve always been here. We’ve just consciously been left out of the narrative until of late, when social media has given us a platform to be visible.
Do you have a message to your younger self?
Things will get better, but craft your world, your environment, and your future and take the time to do it, there’s no timer counting down. Believe in yourself more, you are worth it, you’re accepted, you’re smart, and you’ll make it. Trust your gut and be yourself – honey, be unapologetically yourself.
(Grace Wickremasinghe is an internationally acclaimed spoken word poet, passionate advocate for marginalised communities, and a multifaceted academic with a law, gender and women’s studies, forensics, psychology background)
